When you’re really listening make sure that there are no other distractions. This means don’t check your phone, and don’t try to talk to other people. Try to make eye contact with her while they’re talking. You don’t need to stare, but eye contact shows that you’re paying attention and that you’re engaged. It’s also a good way to avoid being distracted. Let them know you can be the person they can call any time of day or night. Sometimes friends will lean on you, and other times you will lean on them. Being a friend means being available, even when it’s inconvenient.

Instead of asking, “Are you sad?”, consider asking “What emotions are you feeling?” and “Is there anything I can do to help you?”.

Offer to come over and hang out, watch a movie, or get food together. Any way that you can spend quality time together is beneficial.

A hug can be truly important and healing. If your friend is upset, especially if they’re feeling highly emotional, a hug or even a touch on her arm can send the signal that you are here for them and that they are safe. If your friend is uncomfortable with touch, bring your dog over or encourage your friend to cuddle with their cat. Animals can be very comforting, and many people feel safe petting a dog or cat.

For example: say your friend Mary recently lost her husband. Sympathy would be saying “Poor Mary. I feel so sorry for you for losing your husband. " Empathy, on the other hand, would be saying “Oh Mary, I feel your pain about losing your husband and how much you loved him. "

You can offer to cook meals, or help clean the house. Housework, especially, has a tendency to fall by the wayside when someone is upset. You can offer to go shopping, or drive her to a doctor’s appointment. Think about ways to help that will be most helpful to your friend and bring them some cheer. Always ask your friend how you can help instead of assuming that something will make them feel better. Don’t make assumptions when you are there to help.

Bake their favorite cookies to mail to your friend with a note telling them how much you care for them. Pick up something that reminds you of them, and send it with a card. Send them little things to make them laugh. These could be a funny card, a funny story about something you saw, or pictures of the two of you doing silly things from a long time ago. Keep it light and think about what will make your friend smile.

Be present. Instead of talking about whatever the problem is, look at the color of the sky, or discuss what that weird smell might be. Watch the animals and engage with the environment.

Avoid upsetting films. For example: if their father has recently died of cancer, avoid movies where a parent dies, or where someone has cancer. Likewise, if your friend has recently been dumped, movies about relationships tend to be the wrong way to go. Keep it light and enjoyable.

Take a stroll back in time to childhood. Make snow angels or a blanket fort, only talk to each other in outrageous voices, or replace walking with skipping or jumping. Do some silly art, such as drawing silly self-portraits or writing silly poems.

Try a new workout class at the gym, make crafts together, plant a garden, or paint. Don’t spring a new thing on your friend without checking with them first. This could overwhelm and upset them, which is the opposite of what you want.

Volunteer for something. Volunteering is a great way to foster community, do good in someone else’s life, and participate in something important. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, or volunteer to walk dogs at the animal shelter. Be a reading buddy for children, or offer time at a nursing home. Help cheer up a different friend. Sometimes working together to help someone else in their problems can help cheer someone up because it helps take the focus away from one’s own life difficulties. Do something nice for someone else. You can cook for a different friend or create a card from both of you.

You can opt for a long vacation: touring Europe, hiking the John Muir trail, or road tripping through Canada. You can also choose something smaller: a weekend getaway at a nearby beach, a couple days backpacking in the mountains, or road tripping to the next city to see a band you both love.

Don’t tell someone how to feel; everyone is entitled to feeling and expressing emotions.

You can relate to your friend, but make sure that it doesn’t turn into you telling lots of stories about how you went through something similar and that you’re just fine now. For example, don’t say: “I know what it feels like to be broken up with. Remember when Jordan dumped me in front of everyone? I was feeling so awful about it all the time, but I also got over it. I’ve been doing really well about the break-up lately. " Instead, consider saying something like this: “I know that it really hurts right now. I can promise that you’ll feel better later, but right now you’re going to feel really unhappy. I’m here for you in whatever you need. "

For example, don’t say: “I know your cat just died. Maybe you should hit up the shelter and get a new one. There’s so many cats that need a good home. " This feels invalidating about the emotions your friend has about their dead cat. Instead you might say: “I was so sorry to hear about your cat. I know you loved her so much. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. "

If your friend is always calling and wanting you to do things for them, be prepared to say no. It’s okay to acknowledge your other responsibilities. Say: “I know you are hurting and would like a friend. I care about you and want to help you. I need you to respect my time, too, and tonight is not a good time for me. Let’s find time this weekend”. Don’t let your life slip. Keep engaging with other friends, going to the gym, and doing other regular activities. Don’t let your friend take over all of your time.

Watch for signs of depression: difficulty with concentrating or remembering details, difficulties with making decisions, decreased energy, insomnia or excessive sleeping, sad anxious or empty thoughts, physical pains and issues that do not go away with treatment, thoughts or discussion of suicide, feelings or worthlessness or helplessness. [6] X Research source When you’re discussing the idea of seeking professional help, don’t tell your friend that they are sick and needs to go into therapy. Say something like: “I know that you’re really hurting, and I think it might be a good idea to talk to someone who can really help you. Remember that I’m here for you. "

If you suspect abuse, you can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) or live chat online with http://www. loveisrespect. org/. If you believe your friend is suicidal, you can call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988).