For example, if you are talking with someone who keeps their hands buried in their pockets, then mirror this movement.
If you’re in a meeting and everyone else is sitting up straight in their chairs, then scoot a little forward in your chair and straighten your spine. If your conversation partner is standing with their arms crossed, then you’ll want to weigh whether or not you want to appear equally closed off before copying their posture.
You’ll also find that this helps to create natural breaks and pauses in the conversation.
This doesn’t mean that you must change your entire personality or way of interacting. Instead, try to strike a balance that lets you bond with the other person successfully. For example, if your conversation partner tends to speak softly when discussing serious matters, follow their lead if you have something important to add.
In some situations, the other person may be talking softly out of respect for their surroundings, such as in a museum or church. Showing the same situational respect is a way to instantly build rapport.
For example, in a work setting, you might say, “I have a meeting in 5 minutes, but I was wondering if you’d heard anything from human resources about the possibility of new hires. ” In a casual or social setting, you might say, “I’ve got to rush to finish these errands, but just wanted to see if you have any news about the Smith family. ” There are possible exceptions to this suggestion. For example, you might want to intentionally linger if you are meeting with friends or talking with a client who has questions to ask.
For example, ask a co-worker to forward on that group email that you seem to have missed. However, don’t go overboard in asking for help by making many requests or you may seem too needy. A good general rule is to avoid asking for more than you would be willing to offer in return.
For example, if the person who you are talking to mispronounces a celebrity name, just let it go.
Steering the conversation back to them demonstrates that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say and want to know more. You might say, “Could you tell me more about your trip to the Cincinnati office?” On a similar note, being visually present by putting your phone away or focusing on one conversation at a time can help someone feel listened to.
For example, you might ask, “Why did you make that decision to move abroad?”
For example, if someone is new to your office, you might give them a fresh set of stationery for their desk.
For example, if you are a salesperson, make sure to carefully describe your product so that the customer knows exactly what they are getting. Then, you’ll get repeat customers.
As a general rule, let the other person’s degree of disclosure serve as your guide. If they delve into personal subjects, then you can, too.
