You might say, “You know that was really admirable how you helped your friend back there,” or “I can’t believe how giving you are. That’s one of the things I love most about you. ” Give her compliments that uniquely describe her. “You’re funny” is a generic compliment that is easy to shrug off. “Your sci-fi satires are hilarious” is much more specific, and is harder to discount.
For instance, you might say, “I think it’s amazing that you choose to spend your evenings and weekends volunteering at the shelter,” or “Algebra is so confusing to me. I’m glad I’m dating a math whiz who can help me understand. "
Be attuned to her vulnerabilities, but also try to guide her into understanding that she is in control and responsible for her own thoughts, actions, and insecurities. Even with your support, love, and stability, only she can choose to change her thoughts in a more positive way. Try to learn how much love and guided support to offer, how to help when her insecurities crop up, and how to assist her in resolving underlying issues.
The key to a genuine compliment is looking for something good in her and sharing it freely without expectation of getting anything back. For example, you might say, “Your smile is beautiful” or “That outfit looks great on you. ”[3] X Research source It can also help to not focus too much on her appearance. Tell her she did a great job calming down an irate toddler, or she gave a really awesome answer in today’s history class.
Take into account her interests and favorite things. Some girls think that the perfect surprise date is a walk on the beach, others prefer a hike through the woods, and some would rather sit in front of the TV with popcorn and a warm blanket. Figure out what she likes and do it for her.
Don’t pretend like you’re perfect. If you snort when you laugh, or have weird eating habits, expose them. That way she’ll feel less pressure to be perfect as well.
For example, if she’s in robotics club, ask to come see the robot she’s working on sometime. You might also show interest in her friends, like asking about one friend who was sick or one whose parents are going through a divorce.
Depending on the situation, she may want advice, help fixing the problem, or just someone to listen to her. Ask how you can help by saying, “Is there anything I can do?” Then, really listen to her answer. [7] X Research source If she doesn’t need your help and simply wants validation, respond with empathy, like “I’m really sorry to hear that. " “So, you’re worried about your brother, huh?” or “That stinks. "
Doing this can only make a girl with low self-esteem even more insecure. When you’re around other girls, be sure you include her in the conversation and make it obvious who you’re with. Never leave her feeling like she has to compete.
Show her respect and acceptance regardless of what she feels and experiences. Her thoughts, feelings, and emotions are real and true to her. Be nonjudgmental, supportive, and a tender guide to self-empowerment. Use kind words of encouragement, but also try to gently guide her towards improved self-esteem. Speak less and listen more. When you guide her towards improved self-esteem, make sure that she also understands the decision to change relies solely upon her. Always be a source of stability and support that she can rely on in time of need.
If you respond judgmentally to other girls (e. g. “girls who plaster their faces in makeup are so fake”), then you’ll just be increasing the insecurity of your girlfriend.
For example, don’t say, “I look so scrawny. I need to get in the gym. ” Saying something like this only brings the focus to things you don’t like about your body. It also reinforces negative body comments.
Suggest that she visit the spa for a massage, sign up for a yoga class, or start journaling about her feelings. You might also spend an evening cooking a healthy meal together.
Contradict her when she says something negative about herself. For example, if she says “Nobody wants to see this in a bikini,” then you can reply, “Really? I would. " Does she think something is a flaw? Challenge that perspective. Tell her that you love her freckles, her gap teeth, her strong opinions, or the way she snorts when she giggles. Explain that because it’s part of her, you think it’s adorable. Notice dangerous questions. For example, if she asks, “Do you think I’m fat?” then cut to the heart of the problem. Tell her that she’s beautiful, and ask why she’s asking. [10] X Research source
You might share a board on Pinterest, a page on Instagram, or a blog that feature body-positive women with your girlfriend.
When you spend time doing positive activities, you will inspire your girlfriend to do the same.
A mental health therapist or counselor can determine the root cause of your girlfriend’s low self-esteem and work with her to build a healthier outlook.
