You can ask them directly by saying something like, “How do you feel about dating someone that is bisexual?” Play a game like ‘Would You Rather’, ‘Truth or Dare’, or ‘What if’ to indirectly ask their feelings. For instance, “Tell me what you truly think about bisexual relationships or, “What would you do if you found out I was bisexual?” If your friend responds negatively, you may want to think about whether becoming more than friends is a good idea.
You don’t have to make a big deal out of it, just mention it as part of normal conversation. You can say it directly but casually with something like, “And since I’m bi, my mom tries to hook me up with double the people! She’s relentless” You can get them to ask you by saying something like, “The Pride Parade seems like it’s going to be fun. ” They will probably ask if you are gay and you can respond, “I’m bi. ”
Touch their arm, hand, or knee briefly while you are talking. Look at them for just a moment longer than needed to indicate that you want to be more than friends. [2] X Research source Pairing your gaze with a touch definitely sends the message that you have some interest in being more than friends. For instance, when you compliment your friend on their haircut, keep looking into their eyes for a second or two. If you’re feeling bold, touch their hair teasingly, also. Notice how they react. If they gaze back or smile, it may be a sign they want to be more than friends, too. If they shrink away from your touch, you may need to reconsider becoming more than friends.
Your friend may need to time to get used to you flirting with them. This might be even more true if they have never dated someone of the same gender or another gender. They may also need to time to adjust to the fact that you are bisexual. Depending on their views, this may be easy or hard for them to accept.
Start the conversation by talking about your thoughts on dating. For example, you could say, “I keep seeing couples. I’d like to be in a relationship with the right person. ” Then you can ask if they want to be in a relationship or date in general. You might say, “So, what’s up with you and dating? Are you open to it or not so much?” If they don’t talk about having feelings for anyone else or hint that they haven’t found the right person, you probably have a chance. If your friend is constantly talking about one person or outright says they have a crush on someone, now might not be the best time to try to become more than friends.
Explain that dating someone of the same gender doesn’t mean you are gay. [4] X Research source You could say, “Dating a guy doesn’t necessarily mean you are gay. You might be bi, or something else. Only you can define who you are, though. ” Point out the benefits of same-gender relationships. For example, “In my opinion, dating girls is fun because they already understand what it’s like to be a girl. ”
Describe the reasons why you date people of a gender different gender from yours. For instance you could tell your gay friend, “Even though I like guys, too, I also like the fresh perspective a girl brings to a relationship. ” Dispel any myths or false ideas they have about heterosexual relationships. For example, you might tell your lesbian crush, “You say all men are dogs, but I’m a guy. And you always say I’m great!”
Ask your friend for their contact information if you don’t have it already. You could say, “What’s a good way to get in contact with you?” Try to gradually increase how often you communicate with your friend. For example, if you interact weekly, send them an email or text every couple of days. Then move to texting daily and calling every few days until you are talking every day.
Even when you are in a group setting, make a point of spending most of your time with your friend. So that it’s not so awkward at first, invite your friend to do something that they are interested in so that it has more of a “buddies hanging out” feeling. For example, if they like racquetball, invite them to play a round with you at the local gym and then go for smoothies on the weekend. If your friend always has reasons for not hanging out one-on-one, you might want to wait a bit before trying to become more than friends.
Ask them about things they are doing and express your interest in participating or supporting them by being there. For example, if your friend has a softball game, then go watch and cheer her team on. Try to get a seat where your friend can see you. If your friend is volunteering at a community event, then volunteer also, or at least attend the event.
If your friend is upset about something, talk to them about what is going on and listen to their problems. For example, if your friend calls you and he’s upset because they lost their job, don’t just say, “Oh, that’s too bad! Well, I’ll see you at the next meeting. ” Instead, go by and see how he is doing. Listen to their worries about losing their job and try to help them cope with what happened.
Look your friend in the eyes when you give them the compliment. This makes the compliment a bit more intimate. For example, instead of “Nice makeup” you might say, “I really like that eyeshadow. It matches your shirt and makes your eyes look hot. ” Or, instead of “Good idea”, you could say “I love the way your mind works! You are so insightful. ”
Get in your mirror and practice what you will say when you ask your friend out or practice with another friend that you trust. If you are really nervous, then write down what you want to say and refer to your script when you are practicing.
Talking about the friendship also puts the image of you two having fun in your friend’s mind. This will make it easier for them to think about becoming more than friends. If you haven’t known each other long, you might say, “We’ve become good friends in the short time that we have known each other. I have really enjoyed the time we spend around each other. ” If you have been friends for a while, you could say, “We’ve been friends for a long time and been through a lot together, like that time we jumped off the balcony. ”
Explain that if they say they don’t want to be more than friends, you will be disappointed but you still want to have a friendship. You might say, “I value our friendship and don’t want to lose you as a friend. Even if we don’t date, I would still like to be friends. ” You could also try saying, “I’d like to give dating a try with you, but if it doesn’t work, I still want to be friends. ”
Tell your friend that being bisexual doesn’t mean you can’t be faithful or that the relationship would just be a fling. You might say, “Even though I am bisexual, it doesn’t mean my feelings for you are shallow or that I just want a hook-up. ”
Try saying, “I want to see how it would be if we were more than friends. Why don’t we go out on a trial date?” You could also say, “I know you haven’t been in a same-gender relationship before, but I’d like to give it a try with you. ” The thought of becoming more than friends and the idea of trying a different type of relationship may be overwhelming at first. If needed, give your friend a little time to think about it.
