Being emotionally strong doesn’t mean you don’t experience pain or suffering — resiliency is often learned when one is faced with an extremely painful situation. What it does mean is that you learn to rebuild or “bounce back” from these experiences. [3] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source To develop resiliency, you will want to focus on building particular skills, such as: making plans and carrying them out, developing confidence and a positive view of yourself, learning to manage strong feelings and impulses, and learning to communicate and solve problems efficiently. [4] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
For example, you might have included on your list of challenges that you have difficulty asserting your needs. If you want to work on this issue, you would say that your goal is to become more assertive. [7] X Research source
Try to determine if negative childhood experiences may be contributing to your mental and emotional states. Consider how and why those experiences may have affected you the way that they have. You may need to talk to a therapist about your childhood experiences in order to fully understand them, deal with them, and move on.
“I feel powerless when…” “My biggest challenge is. . . ” “Something I could work on is. . . ” “If I could talk to myself when I was a child, I would say…” “When I am feeling low, the nicest thing I could do or say to myself is…”
Keep in mind that feeling mentally and emotionally fragile may be part of an underlying mental health condition that requires treatment. Talking to a therapist can help you understand what is going on and decide on the best course of action.
Exercise regularly. Aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. Eat a balanced diet of healthy whole foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Get eight hours of sleep per night. Set aside at least 15 minutes per day to practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate. Drink plenty of water, at least eight glasses a day, more if you are exercising and sweating.
Read books, watch good films, go to concerts, go to plays, watch ballets, and take in art in some form. Make your own art. Write, paint, make music, do sculpture, knit — anything that stimulates your creative side. Learn new skills. Branch out in the kitchen, do some DIY projects around the home, plant a garden, learn how to drive a manual car, learn how to fish, train to run a 5K. Talk to people. Have deep conversations that go beyond small talk. Learn people’s histories and share your own.
Consider going to a place of worship to pray with other people. Get into meditation or yoga. Spend time in nature and admire the beauty of the natural world.
If you have big goals that seem unattainable, break them down into smaller doable steps. [12] X Research source For example, if you want to work on becoming more assertive, you could set a goal to speak up for yourself three times per week. These instances could be as minor as telling your partner that you want to go to dinner at a specific restaurant, rather than deferring to your partner’s choice. Have a “stick with it” attitude. Decide that even if you have a setback, you’re going to keep trying, whether the goal in question is keeping a job, finishing a project, managing your finances, and so on. See failures as learning opportunities. Failures are simply temporary setbacks full of lessons for us to learn.
Manage negative thoughts by learning to identify and challenge them. Learn more by reading Deal with Negative Thoughts. While you may be able to minimize your contact with negative or toxic people — you may even be able to excise them from your life entirely — sometimes these people are family members, coworkers, or other people you must interact with. Instead of taking their negativity to heart, you can learn how to not engage and set boundaries with that person. This wikiHow article, How to Deal with Negative People, is a fantastic resource to teach you how to do this.
“I am working on being emotionally strong every day. " “I am learning more productive ways to manage my stress and be kind to myself. " “I know that if I take little steps towards this goal every day, I will feel more emotionally and mentally strong. "
Taking time to count to 10 sounds like a cliché, but it really works. Before you have an emotional reaction to something, pause, take a deep breath, and think it through. [15] X Research source Practicing meditation may be helpful in helping you remain calm, as it teaches you to be more objective about your emotions and thoughts. Instead of reacting, you are able to look at thoughts and emotions and say, “Okay, I’m feeling really frustrated right now,” and then figure out how what to do next. [16] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School’s Educational Site for the Public Go to source
Instead of stressing out, develop the healthy habit of thinking about what’s bothering you, calming down, and deciding the best, healthiest, most productive way of dealing with it. For instance, if your husband always forgets to put the cap on the toothpaste, realize that it might not be as important to him as it is to you. You can choose how to deal with the situation — put the cap on the toothpaste yourself and think about all the other ways your husband contributes in the house, or put a (nice) note on the wall as a gentle reminder. Be aware of perfectionism, which may cause you to have extremely high and often unrealistic expectations of yourself and how your day goes, often forgetting to factor in the many things that affect your day that are beyond your control. Try a visualization exercise to let go of little things that are bothering you. Hold a small stone in your hand and imagine that it contains the thing that is bothering you. Concentrate on that negative thing and squeeze the rock very tightly. Then, when you are ready, throw the rock away. Toss it into a pond or far into a field. As you do so, imagine that you are also casting away this thing and all of the negative feelings that you have along with it. [19] X Research source
Read more. Reading the news or a novel lets you enter into others’ worlds, serving as a good reminder that the world is a big place and your problems are but a drop in the bucket. Volunteer. Interact with people who need your help. Some studies have shown that volunteering has a wide range of benefits for your mental and physical health. [20] X Research source Listen to a friend. Hear out someone who really needs your advice. Put yourself in that person’s shoes and give the best, most genuine advice you have. Travel. Getting out of your comfort zone can really help you get perspective on your situation. Go somewhere new, even if it’s just a few towns over.
Let yourself be in the moment during happy times. Try to enjoy your family, friends, pets, and so on as much as possible. Look for the positive in difficult situations. There is always something to be learned.
If you have escapist tendencies, like watching too much TV as a way to avoid your problems, recognize your bad habits and work to overcome them. Be honest with yourself about your challenges.
If you can, take time to evaluate the situation, writing down how you are feeling. [23] X Research source Try to identify at least one positive thing about the situation, no matter how small. [24] X Research source Changing your thinking in this minor way can make a huge difference. Remember to take at least 10 seconds to let something set in before you speak. Even if your girlfriend just told you she wants to break up, you can spare 10 seconds to compose yourself before you respond. In the end, you’ll be glad you did.
Let’s say a friend has asked you to participate in illegal activity, and you’re not sure how to choose between staying loyal to your friend and obeying the law. Weigh the pros and cons of both courses you could take. Is your friend really a friend if he’s asking you to break the law? Or is the law standing in the way of true justice?
Consult with others you trust. It’s completely fine to ask others’ opinions if you’re not sure what course to take. Just don’t let them sway you into doing the wrong thing. Think about what someone you admire would do. It should be someone who is level-headed, honest and good-hearted. What would that person do? Ultimately, you will need to take responsibility for your actions. Make the best decision you can make — something you can live with.
If things didn’t turn out as planned, that’s okay. Remind yourself that things don’t always go smoothly and that you won’t always get exactly what you want; this is true for everyone, no matter how fantastic their life may appear. [27] X Research source
