Try to keep your hobbies active and productive. It’s a lot of fun to watch a TV show marathon, but it isn’t necessarily the best use of your time. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy movies, TV, and video games, but they shouldn’t be the only things you spend your time on. [3] X Research source Hobbies can increase your self-esteem and boost your creativity. They can also stimulate parts of your brain that make you feel positive and happy. [4] X Research source There’s basically no limit to the types of things you can do! Get a camera and learn photography. Pick up a musical instrument. Practice a new language. Learn to beatbox. Start a live-action roleplaying group. Just make sure that whatever you choose is something you enjoy doing, or it’ll become a chore rather than a hobby.
Setting goals can seem overwhelming, but don’t worry! It just takes a little time and planning. Start by figuring out what really matters to you—what do you value, and what do you want to do next in your life? From there, you can figure out the steps you need to take to get where you want to be. [6] X Expert Source Dawn Smith-CamachoCareer & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020. First you need to think about a few categories: Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why. Who. This is who will be involved in achieving your goals. Obviously, you are the primary person here. However, this category could also include a tutor, a volunteer coordinator, or a counselor. What. What do you want to achieve? It’s important to be as specific as possible in this step. “Prepare for college” is way too big. You’ll never get started on a huge vague goal like that. Instead, choose a few specifics that will help you achieve that bigger goal, like “Do a volunteer activity” and “Participate in an extracurricular activity. ” When. This helps you know when specific parts of your plan have to be done. Knowing this will help keep you on track. For example, if you want to volunteer, you need to know if there’s a deadline to apply, when the activities are, and when you’ll be able to do them. Where. It’s often helpful to identify where you’ll be working on achieving this goal. For the volunteering example, you might choose to work at an animal shelter. How. In this step you identify how you’ll achieve each stage of your goal. For example, what is the process for contacting the shelter to volunteer? How will you get to the animal shelter? How will you balance your volunteering with your other responsibilities? You have to think about answers to these types of questions. Why. This is probably the most important part, believe it or not. You’re more likely to achieve a goal when it’s meaningful to you and you can see how it fits in the “big picture. ”[7] X Research source Figure out why this goal is important. For example, “I want to volunteer at the animal shelter so that I can make my resume more attractive for pre-vet college programs. ”
Try setting aside a part of your day that’s just for goofing off. You need time to blow off steam and get goofy. Give yourself a little time every day (say, after school) to indulge in wacky hijinks. Understand that silliness usually isn’t appropriate in formal situations, such as school, church, at work, and especially at funerals. You’re expected to be paying attention, not pranking people. Being silly in these situations will usually communicate immaturity. However, informal situations like hanging out with your friends, or even time with your family, can be a great time to get silly. It can even help you bond with each other. Establish some parameters for when it is okay and when it is not okay to play a joke or be silly. Don’t use mean-spirited or belittling humor or pranks.
Being respectful of others doesn’t mean you have to let them walk all over you. It does mean that you need to listen to others and treat them the way you’d like to be treated. If the other person is rude or unkind to you, don’t respond with unkindness of your own. Show that you’re the bigger person by walking away.
Bullying falls into three basic types: verbal, social, and physical. [11] X Trustworthy Source StopBullying. gov Website run by the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source Verbal bullying involves things like name-calling, threatening others, or making inappropriate comments. While words don’t cause physical harm, they can cause deep emotional wounds. Watch what you say, and don’t say something to someone that you wouldn’t want them to say to you. Social bullying involves doing damage to someone’s social reputation or relationships. Shunning others, spreading rumors, humiliating others, or gossiping are all types of social bullying. Physical bullying involves hurting someone (or someone’s things). Any physical violence, as well as taking or destroying someone’s stuff or making rude gestures, are forms of physical bullying. Don’t allow bullying to happen when you’re around, either. While you don’t have to get physically involved with a bully – in fact, that can be really unsafe – there are plenty of ways for you to help create a bully-free environment. Try:[12] X Trustworthy Source StopBullying. gov Website run by the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source Setting a good example by not bullying others. Telling bullies that their behavior isn’t funny or cool. Being nice to victims of bullying. Telling responsible adults about bullying. If you feel like you have a bullying problem, consider talking with a counselor or therapist. Maybe you have some deeper issues that are making you feel like you need to belittle or pick on others. A counselor can give you approaches to develop more positive relationships.
Gossip won’t necessarily make you cool or popular, either. Studies have shown that gossip may make you seem cool when you’re in fifth grade, but by ninth grade (when you’re hopefully more mature) gossipers are generally seen as less likeable and less popular. [14] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Don’t encourage gossip either. If someone tries to initiate gossip when you’re around, speak up: research shows that when even one person says “Hey, I’m not cool with gossiping about other people” it can really make a difference. [15] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Sometimes, you may say something nice about someone and it can end up translated by other people as gossip. For example, maybe you told a friend “I really like hanging out with Ziyi. She’s so funny!” and someone else told someone else that you said something mean. You can’t control how other people interpret or respond to what you say. The only thing you can control is what you say and do. Make sure that your words are kind. [16] X Research source A good test to determine whether something is gossip or rumor is to ask yourself: Would I want other people to hear or know this about me? If the answer is no, don’t share it with others. [17] X Research source
If someone has a different belief or habit than you do, don’t judge it immediately. Instead, ask open questions, such as “Could you tell me more about this?” or “Why do you do that?” Try to listen more than you talk, at least at first. Don’t interrupt people or say “But I think—” Let them talk. You’ll be surprised what you learn. Ask for clarification. If someone says or does something that doesn’t seem right, ask for clarification before you make a snap judgement. For example, if you think someone just insulted your beliefs, take a deep breath and then say something like, “I heard you say _______. Is that what you meant?” If the other person says s/he didn’t mean it that way, accept it. Don’t expect the worst from people. Go into situations expecting that everyone else is human, just like you. They probably won’t try to be mean or hurtful, but they may also make mistakes. Learning to accept people just as they are will help you be more mature. Sometimes, you just won’t agree with someone else. That’s okay. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree – that’s part of being mature.
Developing hobbies and skills you’re good at is a great way to build your self-confidence. You’ll learn that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to, and have a cool set of skills to share with others. Watch out for that inner critic. If you notice negative thoughts about yourself, think about whether you’d say them to a friend. If you wouldn’t do it to a friend, why would you tear yourself down? Try rewording these negative thoughts into helpful ones. [20] X Research source For example, you might think “I am such a loser! I suck at math and I’ll never get any better. ” This isn’t a helpful thought, and it definitely isn’t something you’d tell a friend. Reword it in terms of what you can do about it: “I’m not great at math, but I can work hard. Even if I don’t make an A in the class, I’ll know I did my best. ”
Talk about things that truly interest you. When you care about something, it shows. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, it can be tempting to go overboard denying them. For example, if the thought “I really am worried about this test next week” shows up, your first reaction might be to pretend “Nothing scares me!” This isn’t true to yourself. It’s more mature to admit when you’re feeling insecure or vulnerable. Everyone has moments when they don’t feel confident. That’s totally normal. Express your feelings clearly. Beating around the bush or being passive aggressive aren’t mature or genuine ways to deal with your feelings. Be polite and respectful, but don’t be afraid to say how you really feel. [22] X Research source Do what you think is right. Sometimes, other people may mock or criticise you for it. However, if you stick to your principles, you’ll know you’ve been true to yourself. If people don’t respect that, you don’t want their good opinion anyway. [23] X Research source
Accept responsibility when things go wrong. For example, if you do badly on an essay, don’t blame it on the teacher. Think about what actions you took to get you to that result. What can you do better next time? Focus less on whether something is fair. Things will not always be fair in life. Sometimes, you may deserve something that you don’t get. Mature people will not allow unfairness to stand in the way of their accomplishments.
For the job: You can polish and proofread your resume. You can prepare for the interview as well as you can. You can dress professionally when you interview for the job. You can show up on time. You may still end up not getting the job, but you will have done everything within your control. For relationships: You can be respectful, funny, and kind. You can be yourself around the other person. You can be vulnerable and tell him/her that you’d like to have a relationship. These are things you are in control of. Even if things don’t work out, you can rest easy knowing you stayed true to yourself and gave yourself the best shot.
After you stop, ask yourself what’s really going on. What’s the real problem here? Why are you upset? You may find out that you’re really mad about something that happened two days ago, and actually not about having to clean your room. Think of potential solutions to the problem. Run through a couple of ways you might react before you pick one. What will address what’s going on? Consider the consequences. This is where a lot of people may stumble. “Doing what I want” is often the most attractive solution, but will it really fix the problem? Or will it make it worse? Think about what the result of each option is likely to be. Pick a solution. After you’ve considered the possible consequences of each option, pick the one that seems best for you. Note that this won’t always be the easiest or the most fun! That’s just part of becoming more mature. If you must say something, use a calm voice and give some reasonable arguments to justify how you’re feeling. If the person just wants to argue and doesn’t want to listen, walk away from the conflict. It’s not worth it. When you’re enraged or about to overreact, take deep breaths and count to 10. You must maintain self-control and not let wrath get the better of you. If you have a temper, people may enjoy provoking you. When you control your temper, they will lose interest in making you angry and will start leaving you alone.
Use “I”-statements. “You”-statements make other people feel blamed and shuts them down. Keeping the focus on what you’re feeling and experiencing keeps the way open for productive, mature communication. For example, instead of telling your parents “You never listen to me!” try using an “I”-statement like “I feel like my perspective hasn’t been heard. ” When you say you “feel” a certain way, the other person is more likely to want to know why. Recognize others’ needs too. Life isn’t all about you. It’s great to communicate your feelings and needs clearly, but remember to also ask others about theirs. Being able to put others first is a true sign of maturity. Don’t jump to conclusions. If you aren’t sure what happened with someone, ask! Don’t prejudge – remember, you don’t have all the information. For example, if your friend forgot that you were supposed to go shopping together, don’t assume that it’s because she doesn’t care or is a terrible person. Instead, use an “I”-statement and follow it up with an invitation for her to express her feelings: “I felt really disappointed when you couldn’t make it shopping. What’s up?” Offer to collaborate with others. Instead of saying “I want to go skateboarding,” ask others for input: “What would everyone like to do?”
If you frequently swear when you’re upset or when you hurt yourself, try making it a game to come up with creative exclamations instead. Instead of swearing when you stub your toe, it’s a lot funnier (and more impressive) to say something creative like “Fudge monkeys!”
Use an even, calm tone of voice, even when you’re upset.
Use an even, calm tone of voice, even when you’re upset.
Hold your arms relaxed at your sides instead of crossing them in front of you. Stand up straight, with your chest out and head parallel to the floor. Remember that your face communicates too. Don’t roll your eyes or stare at the floor.
Ask questions. One of the signs of maturity is intellectual curiosity. If all you ever do is talk at someone, you won’t seem very mature. Ask others for their input. If someone says something interesting, say “Tell me more about that!” Don’t pretend to know something you don’t. It can be hard to admit you don’t know something. After all, you really want to appear mature and informed. But pretending to know something only to have it come out that you don’t could make you look (and feel) foolish. It’s much better to say something like, “I haven’t read much about that. I’ll have to look into it!”
For example, if a friend asks you if her dress makes her look fat, consider what would be most helpful. Beauty is very subjective, so offering an opinion on her looks isn’t likely to be helpful. However, telling your friend that you love her and she looks just the way she is could be the confidence boost she needs. If you really think your friend’s outfit is not attractive, there are tactful ways to say this if you think it will be helpful. For example, “You know, I like the red dress better than this one” doesn’t judge your friend’s body – nobody needs that – but it does answer her question of whether she looks her best. Behavioral scientists suggest that some types of dishonesty are actually “pro-social,” little lies you tell to help others avoid embarrassment or hurt. It’s up to you to decide whether this is something you want to do. Whatever you decide, choose to be kind in doing it. [33] X Research source
Throughout any conversation, listen carefully and maintain eye contact. Don’t stare at the other person, though. Use the 50/70 rule: make eye contact for 50% of the time when you’re talking, and 70% of the time while the other person is talking. [35] X Trustworthy Source Michigan State University Extension Extension program of Michigan State University focused on community outreach, education, and engagement Go to source Avoid fidgeting or fiddling with random objects. Fidgeting is a sign that you lack confidence. Keep your hands open and relaxed. Don’t sit there thinking about places you’d rather be. Most people are very good at noticing when you don’t care about an interaction, and it will hurt their feelings. Don’t talk on your cell phone or text people while you should be paying attention to the person in front of you. This communicates disrespect. When you enter a new situation or new community, keep quiet for awhile and notice how other people are acting. It’s not your job to tell other people what they should or shouldn’t do. Instead, watch and be respectful.
Avoid strong or offensive language. Don’t overuse exclamation points. Remember that you aren’t there in person to clarify your point, so make sure not to overwhelm your audience. Use your shift key. Capitalize proper nouns and the beginnings of sentences instead of writing in all lower-case letters. Avoid using nonstandard cApitaliZaTion. It makes your writing much harder to read. Avoid using ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This is the internet equivalent of shouting. This may be okay if you’re posting a tweet about how your hockey team just won the championship, but it’s not a good idea in daily emails and social media posts. When sending an email, use a salutation (the “Dear” in “Dear John”). Starting an email without one is rude, particularly if it’s to someone you don’t know well or to someone like a teacher. Also use a closing, such as “Thank you” or “Sincerely. ” Proofread before you send an e-mail or make a social media post to make sure you didn’t make a mistake. Use complete sentences, and be sure to add proper punctuation at the end of each sentence. Go easy on abbreviations, slang and emoticons. It’s okay to use these in a casual text to a friend, but don’t use them in an e-mail to your teacher, or in another situation where you want to look mature. Remember the golden rule online, just like the golden rule in real life. Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you want someone to be nice to you, be nice to them too. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Helpful acts may also boost your self-esteem. Studies have shown that when we help others, we get a sense of accomplishment and pride in what we’ve done. [36] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Being helpful isn’t always a two-way street. There may be times when you help others and they don’t say “thank you” or offer to help in return. That’s on them. Remember that you’re being helpful for you, not to get anything from anyone else.
Try not to take criticism personally. Sometimes, people may be trying to help and aren’t communicating well. If you think that’s the case, ask for clarification: “I heard you say that you didn’t like my essay. Could you tell me some more specifics so I can do better next time?” Sometimes, the criticism says much more about the person giving it than it does about you. If the criticism seems unfair or hurtful, remember that the other person may just be trying to make him or herself feel better by tearing you down. In some cases, they may even be reacting that way because they recognize something in you that they don’t like about themselves. [38] X Expert Source Dawn Smith-CamachoCareer & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020. Accepting criticism gracefully doesn’t mean you can’t stand up for yourself. If someone hurts your feelings, tell them in a calm and polite way: “I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but when you criticized my outfit it really hurt my feelings. Next time, could you not make comments about my appearance?” Don’t spend too much time criticizing yourself, either. If you notice something about yourself you’d like to change, work on it a little at a time. Keep in mind that any change is a process, so be patient if it doesn’t happen overnight. [39] X Expert Source Dawn Smith-CamachoCareer & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
