Try to plan your conversations in distraction-free environments where both speakers can communicate and listen attentively.
Pay attention to these cues when communicating. They often support the message, but they sometimes contradict the message. For example, you ask a favor from someone and they say, “Okay, I’ll do it. ” Yet their voice sounds exasperated, their facial expression looks worried, and their body language is closed, they may not actually want to do the favor.
This might sound like, “From what I’m hearing, you seem to be really overwhelmed about the responsibilities of the coming week. Am I right?” If the person confirms that you heard right, then you can share your own response.
An example of a clarifying question might be, “I’m not sure if I get what you’re trying to say. Are you saying you lost the information?” You could also say something like “Did I hear you correctly?”
Over time, you’ll likely notice that you don’t even care what you get out of it anymore— it will feel good just because you’re being selfless.
Volunteer opportunities are endless, such as reading to children at the library, caring for pets at an animal shelter, or looking after preschoolers so their parents can attend church.
For example, if you have a relative with mental health issues, you might participate in a regional NAMI chapter or help organize a mental health awareness campaign. If you’re concerned about political decisions, speak at your local library, write a letter to a congressperson, or start an online petition. Being an advocate may involve community service just like hands-on volunteering, but the main point is to spread awareness about a particular cause.
Start watching the news—both locally and nationally—to learn more about what issues are affecting people near and far. Staying up-to-date on events can also educate you about the concerns of others, helping you to focus on yourself less.
When you listen to music, close your eyes and lose yourself in the notes. Go outside and marvel at natural landscapes and wildlife. Visit a museum and appreciate the history and art.
Choose one person each day to truly notice. Perhaps you’ll observe a classmate who seems to be having a hard time, or you might focus on one of your siblings or parents. Step outside of your own experience into theirs. Ask yourself what it would be like to live this person’s life. Doing this will likely change the way you look at and treat this person.
Validation might sound like, “I can see that this is really hard for you" or “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. ” The wonderful thing about validation is you don’t even have to agree with what the person is saying to offer it. It’s a way to acknowledge shared humanity (and pain), and that helps you get closer to others.
Wile away an afternoon on a park bench, in a coffee shop, or at a corner cafe. Simply observe as people go to and fro. Imagine what the people are thinking and feeling. Make up stories about where they are headed or the conversations they are having.
Use your meditation session to radiate good thoughts towards the person, almost as if you were giving them a virtual hug. Choose a new person to focus on each day.
Check out a fiction book from your local library. As you read, try to notice text that tells you what each character is thinking or feeling. Then, draw context clues from the surrounding text to determine why they might think or feel that way.
