Sometimes you may not know your tone of voice is broadcasting disapproval. This can be difficult to change. Your vocal tone is often subconsciously created. Try to speak in a neutral tone resisting the urge to let your feelings and emotions show true in your voice. You may think this disingenuous but once you speak your opinion, its not necessary to convey disapproval non-verbally too.
Don’t criticize or condemn. [5] X Research source This may seem difficult but is important. Speak your truth in a way that doesn’t put their perspective down. Statements like “You’re wrong there” and “I can’t believe you think that” are to be avoided. Instead, agree with them when their perspective is consistent with their justifications (e. g. , “I can see how that follows”). Follow with your perspective (e. g. , “I read that. . . " or “I think. . . “) such that your statement is not directly antagonistic towards theirs. Avoid hyperbole. Very, very rarely are things “always” and “never. " Avoid words and idioms that exaggerate the truth. Your goal is to be honest and hyperbole rarely is honest. Instead, use facts and try to avoid letting your emotions run high.
Place value in your own perspective. [7] X Research source You are entitled to your perspective and opinion. Even if you chose to be quiet, remember your perspective is just as valid as theirs. Just as they have a right to be honest, so do you. Just as you have a right to your opinion, they have a right to theirs. Even if their opinion is factually wrong or inconsistent with their own beliefs. If you speak your honest perspective and they do not hear you, forcing the issue will lead to hurt feelings. They aren’t ready for it. If they disagree with you, that’s ok. Resist the temptation to get them to agree with you. If it is important, you may have to let them make their own mistakes. But that doesn’t mean you are wrong either when they vehemently disagree with you. This also doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. It just means they have a different perspective.
People feel compelled to express their strong opinions. Sometimes people do so to provoke a debate or change someone else’s mind. This usually leads to a confrontation and unavoidable hurt feelings.
If they decide not to discuss the issue, honor their wish. Perhaps it is the wrong time or place. Try asking again later. If they repeatedly rebuff you, you may need to express your opinion unsolicited or avoid it altogether.
Apologize if you accidentally said something that hurt their feelings. [12] X Trustworthy Source United Nations Official site for the United Nations, an intergovernmental organization devoted to maintaining peace and building relationships between all nations. Go to source [13] X Research source Apologies are a signal that your respect the other person. Doing this early you can move on easily. Wait too late and the hurt may take much longer to repair. Do not overuse apologies. Saying “I’m sorry” too much–especially when you did nothing wrong–can lower the value of an apology. The goal is to identify when you’ve done something wrong and be sincere about your apology.
If the person is persistent, they may ask you for a better time. Be prepared to respond with a more direct decline. When you see your calendar is busy, take a little extra time in advance to think about a kind decline if they ask for a better time.
If someone starts asking about your schedule, you can simply reply, “I don’t know, why do you ask?” and remain polite. This is a good practice even if you intend to accept.
Be cautious about reasons for declining a request. If it is obvious that the exhaustive answer would hurt their feelings consider a vague response. If necessary, you may be able to get by with “I’d rather not say. "
Appeal to any mutually-agreed-upon standard of dress to back up your opinion if you can. For example, use business dress standards if a new haircut, tattoo, or nail polish could cause them trouble at work. Use goodness of fit to highlight how the outfit would look better if it were better tailored.
In situations like this, you might want to disagree outright with the negative statement. “You aren’t fat, this dress just fails to highlight how beautiful you are. " Unfortunately, if you fail to disagree with a negative statement the speaker may take that as an admission of your agreement. Be quick to disagree when you know this to be true.
At this stage, always be sure to include references to their positive characteristics. Although you avoided referencing personal characteristics before, highlight positive aspects now.
