Sit down and make a list of your likes and dislikes. Focus solely on your own preferences—try to avoid thinking about your spouse’s opinion. For example, you may be working in a job that you don’t really like because it was best for your family at the time. Or you might still make your spouse’s favorite meal even though it’s not your favorite.
For instance, you might start cycling again on weekends. Or, if you’re a bookworm, you can join a local book club. Take this opportunity to pick up some new hobbies. Try something you’ve always wanted to learn, or start a club for an old passion.
Instead of viewing these new roles as just added stress, see them as an opportunity to push past your comfort zone. In fact, you can learn to enjoy new roles by making a list of all the tasks you do now that you didn’t feel capable of before. If you were a stay-at-home parent while your spouse worked, you will likely need to get back out onto the job market. Take this time to learn new skills that might help you get a new job. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Work towards self-improvement, and you’ll be happier in the long run.
Traveling is also a great way to create new memories without your spouse. Visit a nearby city that you’ve never explored or plan a big trip across country or across continents.
Start a new tradition with your social group, such as Sunday brunch or Friday game nights. This will give you something to look forward to. Remove people from your life that influence you to make negative choices, such as dwelling in the past or using alcohol or drugs to cope.
Conduct a quick online search to locate divorce support groups in your area. You can also contact community centers and churches who may sponsor these groups.
For instance, maybe you want to raise your credit score so you can buy a new car. You might need to pay down some of your existing debt, which may require making more money or reducing some of your household expenses. Setting powerful goals also keeps you busy, so you don’t spend so much time dwelling on the past.
If your spouse did all of the financial planning, you may need to relearn how to do it. Take a financial literacy course at a community college or talk to a financial planner. If there are children involved, you will have to plan for their care as well. Look as far forward into the future as you can. You may even develop a ten-year plan.
Meeting new people also refers to potential dates. Don’t be afraid to connect with someone new when you’re ready. Focus on just having a good time at first. Then, see where it goes. [10] X Research source
Resist the urge to cope with your feelings by bingeing on junk foods, using alcohol or drugs, or spending excess money shopping or gambling.
As soon as you can, work out the basic elements of your routine and share them with your children. Add in new activities and tasks that fit your new life, such as signing them up for after-school programs or spending weekends with the other parent. Consider developing new traditions for you and your kids, too. For instance, if they visit the other parent on weekends, you might initiate a family game night or movie night on a weekday. Or, if you won’t have your children on Christmas Day, you might open gifts and have a nice dinner on Christmas Eve.
Fostering a healthy relationship with your children will also lessen the negative impact of the divorce. Just make sure to never bad-mouth the other parent in front of them.
You might ask friends or family members for a hand, like “Veronica, do you mind watching the kids next Thursday so I can get a night off?” Or you can hire help in the form of a babysitter, a cleaner, or a financial advisor.
