Basic ways to be courteous include saying “please” and “thank you,” taking turns, and apologizing for wrongdoing. Basic courtesy can be seen when competing opponents shake one another’s hands before a match. Doing this sends the message that you respect the other person, even though you’re on different sides. You can also be courteous by practicing humility when you accomplish a goal. Avoid cheering for yourself or being too self-congratulatory.
Once you’ve tactfully said your part, let the other person talk. Make eye contact, turn to face them, and use open body language that encourages a dialogue. Sitting back and listening every now and then exhibits fairness. Plus, you might learn something from what others say.
For example, you might say, “Jared came up with the idea of bringing our clients on-board periodically to get their input. I figured why not take that idea further and allow them to see project updates in real-time. ” Keep in mind that cheering on your coworkers and surrounding yourself with high-achievers will help you to be successful as well.
Follow the established standards in your activity or line of work. Breaking the rules may help you to win, but it may also ruin your reputation. Play fair and you’ll earn other’s respect and admiration.
Try to avoid saying things like, “That’s right! You ate my dust!” or calling your opponent a “loser” after winning a race. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t celebrate victories—just don’t go out of your way to rub the loser’s nose in your victory.
For example, if you and another coworker both were up for a promotion, you might say, “Jake, you were a very worthy candidate. I know it’s only a matter of time before you’re promoted. ” Be sure you do this humbly and authentically. It shouldn’t serve as a way for you to show off.
If you’re successful at something, be sure to identify others, such as teammates or mentors, who are responsible for helping you get the victory. This might sound like, “Thanks, everyone, but I couldn’t have done it without Janice. Her talent was essential to the win. ” When you do this, you become a team-player. Showing respect and consideration for your teammates is just as important as being civil with your competitors.
What did my team and I do well? What do my team and I need to work on?
Being in denial or placing blame makes you look like a sore loser. It also takes the responsibility of your performance away from you and places it somewhere else. By accepting the outcome—whatever it may be—you show that you are okay with losing, and that the outcome isn’t always what’s most important. This suggestion is not relevant to situations when you feel like you were cheated or discriminated against in some way. In such situations, don’t stay quiet. Take your grievances to the proper authorities.
Use this strategy for applauding your own opponent and for congratulating friends who may enjoy successes that you don’t. Keep in mind that if you are gracious when others win, they are more likely to follow your lead and behave similarly when they lose. You can also use other people’s victories as examples to help you be successful in the future. Examine what they have done well and how you might do something similar.
For example, if you don’t get picked as first chair in this year’s orchestra, get feedback to find out how you can better your skills. Practice, evaluate your progress, and try again next year.
You might challenge these thoughts by reminding yourself about other activities you’re good at, or even reflect on how your skills in the area in question have improved. For example, you might change, “I’m such a loser" into, “I’m gradually becoming a better chess player. ”
Chat with someone to distract yourself. Take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. You might also try counting silently to 10, 50, or whatever number works for you.
