“Tell me about where you grew up,” rather than “Where did you grow up?” “What types of activities do you like to do when you have free time?” “How did you first get involved with ____,” or “How did you and ____ meet?” Keep in mind that people won’t appreciate it if you ask personal or inappropriate questions that are completely unrelated to the topic of conversation. Repeating the same question over and over will make that person not want to talk to you anymore.
For example, you could say, “tell me more about that process,” or “tell me more about what that was like for you. ” These statements show that you’re interested in what the other person has to say, and they can lead to deeper conversations.
When someone asks you about a specific topic, chances are they have some familiarity with that thing and it’s safe to focus in on that subject.
If they makes you feel badly for not knowing something, chances are they just aren’t a very kind or gracious person. Not pretending to know more than you do also shows that you’re a genuine person, and it’ll probably make others feel that you’re more trustworthy of a person, too.
Also be aware of your body language. Crossed arms or slumped shoulders indicate being unapproachable; try to keep your arms at your sides and avoid staring at the ground.
Looking up and forward also exudes confidence, as opposed to keeping your head down, which can make you look nervous and shy. Even if you don’t feel confident and are nervous about talking to others, try faking it with your body language—you may be surprised at how much your body language impacts your attitude. [8] X Expert Source Lynn KirkhamPublic Speaking Coach Expert Interview. 20 November 2019.
Definitely keep your phone put away when you’re talking to someone. Notifications, texts, and incoming calls will distract both you and the person you’re talking to. There’s a balance between not looking someone in the eye at all and staring them down and making them uncomfortable—try to nod, smile, and look away from time to time to look more natural.
For example, if you’re at a loud restaurant, rather than shouting to be heard and adding to the noise, lean in closer to your companion so you can hear each other better.
If you’re concerned that the other person is upset or nervous, you could ask them, “Is everything okay? You seem a little fidgety. ” If you think the other person wants to end the conversation, try saying something like, “I don’t want to keep you too long. ”
Mm-hmm. Right. Yes. Keep in mind that if you intersperse these comments too frequently, it can be distracting for the speaker. A natural place to say them is when the other person pauses or perhaps looks at you for confirmation that you’re listening.
For example, if a friend is telling you about a frustrating situation at work, you could respond by saying something like, “It sounds like that miscommunication was really difficult to respond to. ”
If you find yourself interrupting others often, it’s okay to say something like, “I’m so sorry. I have such a bad habit of interrupting. Please, continue what you were saying. ”
You can introduce a new topic of conversation if you want to, or you could just ride out the silence and see if anyone else has something to talk about. If the silence goes on for a while, it’s okay to excuse yourself to go to the restroom or to refresh your drink. The pause actually gives you a natural time to break away if you want to.
However, if someone says something that is disrespectful or hostile, it’s okay to end the conversation. You should avoid judging others and always aim to respect different points of view, but if the person is making you uncomfortable, try to draw someone else into the conversation with you or make an excuse to walk away.
For example, if you’re at a party and someone reveals a little too much information about their recent bout of the flu, remember that they may be nervous and chatting more to try and keep the conversation moving. Try to gloss over the situation and not point out that their overshare was weird by finding something you can relate to. For example, you could say something like, “Oh, I think my friend had the flu around the same time. What’s your favorite movie to watch when you’re sick?” This keeps the conversation moving in a positive direction. In general, try to focus conversations in a positive, forward-thinking way, and be respectful of others, even if you think they’re a little weird.
Avoid over-sharing personal information with new acquaintances. If you want to talk about the intimate details of your relationship or something you’re struggling with personally, try to do that with a trusted, close friend instead.
“It was so nice getting to talk with you. I need to say hi to a few more people tonight still, but I hope you have a great rest of your evening. ” “I need to start heading out, but I really enjoyed getting to know more about you. Could we exchange numbers and talk more again later?” “Thanks so much for talking with me tonight. I’m going to go stop at the restroom and say hi to a few other people, but hopefully I’ll see you around again soon!”
