Consider whether those traits truly impact you. For example, if you find a coworker or peer to be arrogant, think about whether their attitude truly has a negative impact on you. Do they take credit for your work, for example? Or do they simply have trait you do not like?[2] X Expert Source Michael Dickerson, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 3 August 2021. Make a concerted effort to not focus on traits that do not have a direct impact on you. Remind yourself, “This person’s actions do not have any impact on me and it is not worth my time to negatively focus on them. ”
As you breathe, focus your attention back on your own goals and challenges for the day, and let that other person slip from your thoughts. Repeat the cycle as necessary throughout the day to help you keep calm.
Do make an effort to respond eventually when you have a clear head. If you must interact with this person on occasion, it is best to be polite. Do not lie or make excuses about why you waited to respond. Simply say, “I apologize that it took me so long to respond,” and continue with your message.
Do not let your dislike turn into a grudge. When you find yourself looking for more reasons to dislike this person, remind yourself that it is alright to not connect with someone, but it only hurts you to find other things that bother you.
When you speak with this person, try to avoid accusing them or casting blame. Instead, stick to statements regarding facts and your own feelings. Rather than saying, “You tried to hurt me down by asking me to leave,” let them know, “It was hurtful when you asked me to leave because I was excited about this activity, as well. " Allow the other person to share their thoughts and feelings on the situation as well. Understand that your perception of the situation might not reflect their perception or intentions. Leave your mind open to hearing their side of the story, as well. Agree upon a resolution. Perhaps you want to be friends now. Perhaps you don’t want to socialize, but you will agree to stop saying hurtful things about one another. Find a solution that works for you and the other person, and agree on it once you feel you have addressed the underlying issue.
If you do not feel like talking to this person, try saying, “I’m afraid I don’t have time to talk right now, but I hope you have a wonderful day. ” Do not avoid calls, emails, or other communication that may impact your work or school activities. Remember in those moments that your work is important to you, and it is not worth sacrificing over personal distaste.
If you are making a lunch run or grabbing supplies for a group project, remember to ask this person if they need anything. This way, you don’t have to engage in an extended conversation but you still ensure they feel included. Know that you have the option to not include this person in personal events such as get-togethers with friends or birthday parties, but understand that you should not exclude them from larger group events.
If there is a truly harmful interaction between the two of you, don’t resort to gossiping about them. Instead, report this to your manager, teacher, or another party who may be able to help mediate. If there is a moment that was not harmful to either of you, but that you truly feel the need to discuss, present it to someone who does not know or share an environment with this person. Try to avoid allowing your negative feelings into their life.
Set up a tutoring session and take them through whatever processes they need to learn step-by-step. Take that time to show them where they can find informational resources, either online or through print material to which they have access, that may help them answer their own questions.
There is no need for you to interact beyond pleasantries, especially if it is going to cause you mental anguish or an emotional outburst. Spare yourself and those around you by simply saying, “It was nice to see you,” and walking away. If the two of you are participating in something together, divide up duties. If you are both working at a table for an event, for example, have them go out into the crowd and draw people in while you stay and man the table.
Let them know something like, “It was nice to catch up, but I have to excuse myself. I have some pressing matters that I need to take care of. ” Remember that you are not obligated to disclose any information that you do not want. If they start asking about your personal life or plans that you do not want to talk about, simply let them know, “I’m not comfortable talking about that right now. ”
If this person asks you to hang out, for example, you don’t need to say, “No, because I don’t like you. ” Instead, opt for an honest but less offensive response such as, “I don’t feel like hanging out tonight. ”
Instead of making false promises, simply stop your statements short. Try, “I don’t think I can tonight,” instead of, “I don’t think I can tonight but maybe next week. ”
Explain the situation to them and let them know what this person has done to make you feel threatened or harmed. Try to stick to facts and accounts of actions as much as possible. If you regularly encounter this person and worry about potential further harm through extended contact, request to be put in a situation that involves little to no contact with this person. This may include transferring desks, shifting part of your job duties, or moving to another class.
Trying making a list of three to five things that you like about yourself to help remind yourself of your positive traits. List not only the items, but why they are important and how they help you in your daily life. If this person is antagonizing you over something they know is a larger issue in your life, you may want to seek professional assistance such as therapy to help you deal with not only this person but your matters in a healthy way.
Know that you have the power and the authority to say no at any time. If this person occupies a position of power in your life it may seem difficult to get away from them, but know that you always have the option to tell them no or remove yourself from the situation.
